My nipple is on Facebook.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Welp...herpes.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
