I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
