dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
