the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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