So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
