Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
