No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
