Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
