You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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