I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
