and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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