and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
