I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
