You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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