carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
