If that was your dad, he is hot
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
