I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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