I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
