I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
