just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
