I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
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Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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