Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
