i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
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His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
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I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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