I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
