I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Oh god it's open bar.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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