In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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