i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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