I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
