Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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