Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
