my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
