I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I understand Curling. That high.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
