I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
