no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
