I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
