I'm drive I can fine osifer
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
