remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
