im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
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Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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