remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
