I'm jealous of your bromance
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just sucked dick on a ferry
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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