I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
