tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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