i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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