I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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