he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
