just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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