you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
