go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
