someone owes me an orgasm
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
