Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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