I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize