she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
