Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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