We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
