I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize