I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
