Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
