I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
