Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So many bounce houses so little time
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Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
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his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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