I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
