You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
