i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
