All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
