For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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