Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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