i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
