she woke up with a sticky ear
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
