I can tuck mytits in my pants
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
