u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
