could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The beer is more important than you right now.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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