Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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