Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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