What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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