I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
