Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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