Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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