and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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