thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
